So last night I was going to go over to my buddy's to watch MTV's Real World/Road Rules Challenge Battle of the Sexes (Boo Veronica! Boo!!). But what with her Direct TV being an East Coast feed, tv regularly scheduled at 10 pm EST is shown at 7 pm PST. Thus we always have to rush home from work to catch it.
This always leaves our dinner plans somewhat short. A pizza. In N Out. Any takeout, really.
Last night we elected Chinese. Being saccharine Studio City, Chinese equals Panda Express. And I was elected to get said Panda.
I was in a little huff because I missed the driveway to the store (only in California have I seen stand-alone Panda Expresses). I had to flip a turn in the neighborhood gas station and circle back around again. So when I got into the store, I was a little bit flushed.
Then the lady in front of me in line was taking her damn sweet time deciding over fried rice or chow mein. Dammit, just choose! They're pretty much the same thing anyway!!
In my dramatic, overacted exasperatedness I looked around the store to catch the eye of some knowing patron who might laugh at my, well ... I guess my dramatic, overacted exasperatedness. I scanned the store.
Over at the register was a short blond lady with her back to me. And what an odd back - she had a knee-length denim jacket. I kid you not. It was scary. And it was one of those kinds that has the seams on the outside, like it's trendy or something. It looked inside-out to me.
So I forgot about the lady weighing the varied taste difference between fried noodles and fried rice and decided to decided to turn my funny looks to "Denim Gal".
And then "Denim Gal" turned around.
It was Lizzie McGuire.
If you're not a "tween", or a dirty old man, you might not know the show "Lizzie McGuire" on Disney Channel. It's kind of like "Clarissa Explains it All" or one of those kid-friendly comedies. The star, Hilary Duff, is this fifteen year old girl who is wayyyy too precocious for a fifteen year old girl.
So great, I saw another Hollywood star.
EXCEPT ... Well, I'm a dirty old man.
Not really, I'm just kidding, but it's kind of like that Olsen Twin thing. Like, you know they're going to be hot in a few years, AND they're millionaires, AND they're famous ...
So awhile ago some of my friends and I discussed how Lizzie McGuire is going to be hot in a few years. Nothing scary, nothing illegal. Look, we're not even calling her "Hilary Duff", her real name. We're calling her by her fictional name!
And it's not like we're going to run out to see her in "Agent Cody Banks"!! (True, that's mostly because I hate, HATE, Malcolm in the Middle, but still).
I mean, sure, it'd be really creepy if I said that I liked her non-famous sister, Haylie Duff. And yes, it'd be really weird if I knew that she just turned eighteen last month.
But, sadly for me, her sister wasn't in Panda that night. So I got my Orange Flavored Chicken (which never really tastes like oranges, but hey...) and paid. Lizzie, er ... ah, Hilary, and her ... Mom? Agent? Handler? Dealer? Were waiting for something (could a celebrity have asked for a ... gasp ... special order?) as I paid.
Then a Panda clerk asked her if next time she came in, could she bring a photo and autograph it for his little sister. She said, "Do you have a piece of paper? I can sign it now."
I so wanted to turn to her and say, "Hey, my little nephew is a big fan ... could I get an autograph, too? Make it out to: Nate." But I didn't. Hey, I know that twenty-seven year old guys talking to fifteen year old celebrities is creepy.
Instead I just ran home to tell my friend the story. She didn't seem as amused as I did. Then I tried Nate, but his cell phone was off, so I couldn't share it with him, either.
The kicker? My fortune cookie read:
"LUCK IS WITH YOU NOW; ACT UPON YOUR INSTINCTS".
I should have gotten that autograph. That would be so funny in three years when Nate is marrying Hilary and I'm marrying Haylie.
What?! I'm kidding!
The Sisters Duff
Last Updated on: March 4, 2003
© 2003-2004 Joshua Paul Edwards
all rights reserved.
photos stolen from the imdb.com.