Okay, okay. This is a very misleading title. She's not really a porn star (as far as I know). She just looks like a porn star. Lots of makeup, scary clothes, and a ... well, very busty body.

Also, when I go to work ontime she's always leaving too, around 8:55, and turns towards the Elementary School. I don't think they make porn next to the elementary school. At least, not in Burbank. Van Nuys, however ... Anyway, she's probably a teacher's assistant or cafeteria lunchlady.

But saying a "makeup heavy, skanky clothes-wearing, surgically-enhanced cafeteria lunchlady next door" doesn't have the same ring as "porn star".

Regardless, this woman lives down the hall from us. She's been there as long as I have, going on a year and a half. She lives with this muscle-head dude who drives an painfully loud motorcycle and wears WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much cologne when he goes out. In his shiny shirt. Heehee!

So for the first eight months in this apartment I lived with this dude, Coleman. And everytime I saw our neighbor I kind of nodded or smiled or did neighborly gestures. Just like I would to the neighbors on the other side, or down the hall, or anywhere. But this one wasn't having it.

Now honestly, I wasn't trying to hit on her. I saw her boyfriend, and he's a big dude that looks like he'd have the morals to rip your face off and not care. I'm dumb, but not THAT dumb. I was just being neighborly. For reals.

But still, she never responded to me. No eye contact, nothing. After awhile I stopped even trying, it made me feel dirty and weird to say, "hey" and have her not respond.

Oddly enough all of that changed when Shannon moved in. Now she's just my roommate, nothing more. But we still hang out together and go places together. One day we were both doing our laundry in the laundry room, seperately but at the same time. Then the Porn Star walks in. I was just expecting her to turn the cold shoulder and not talk to us. You know, I was used to it, from experience.

Nope. She's all jokey and talky and nice. "Blah blah blah blah". We all talked for awhile.

It was so weird. Like I was wisked behind the curtain and taken to a magical land of talking adult film stars.

But the craziest thing is now everytime that I see her she smiles and says "hi". Like yesterday, she smiled FIRST and said "hi" FIRST. It was crazy!

Now I just have to wait for her lunkhead boyfriend to go on vacation, then I can hit on her ...

... KIDDING! Jeesh!

- Josh Edwards