Argh. So tonight I'm trying to write this goofy, silly movie that my buddy and I have been working on for almost a year now. It's a little more broad of comedy than I'm used to, so I have to be in juuuuuust the right mood to pull it off.

And right now I'm just not in that mood.

I find myself thinking constantly of the recent and very painful (for me at least) breakup. See, I had this other breakup like, in 1996. And that's it. I've only had my heart broken once. Well, twice now, I guess.

I'm just not used to this. Were I a better writer I could describe the pain with cooler words and bigger analogies. Instead all that I can say is that it hurts. My stomach is in knots, constantly, I get the most restless sleep imaginable, every night, and I feel like I want to cry about 23 hours of the day.

Seriously. Just about everything sets me off now. I haven't listened to a full CD in over two weeks now. Why is it that musicians write about lost love almost as much as they write about falling in love? So half of the songs are so sad, and that makes me MORE sad. The other half are happy, and that makes me sadder still.

So I end up listening to movie soundtracks. You know, scores. John Williams. Hans Zimmer. Klaus Badelt's new Pirates of the Caribbean. Anything that doesn't have words and thoughts and associations.

Like that remake of Don Henley's "Boys of Summer" by The Ataris. My now EX-girlfriend loves the original, hates the remake. And it's always on KROQ. So we heard it lots when we used to be together, driving around, happy. Well, even if it wasn't always happy, I was a hell of a lot happier than I am right now. And the song is still always on KROQ. And now I hear it. Alone.

But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how I made you scream
Now I don't understand what happened to our love
But babe, I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of

Then there's Goldfinger, which is one of my little Southern California pop / punk / ska bands that nobody's ever heard of. No, my now EX-girlfriend doesn't really like them, either, she did go to a show once, though, which was mighty kind of her.

Goldfinger writes lots of random songs, and a couple about love and breakups and the like. It's weird, some songs that I've heard a thousand times I'm listening to with fresh ears. Like this:

Counting The Days
Goldfinger

So here I go and there you went...again
Just another stupid thing that I done wrong.
Locked up in my head, knocked down, beaten, left for dead
With all those brilliant things I should have said.
I gotta get away, and find something to do
'Cause everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you.

Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Day one, was no fun.
Day two, I hated you.
By day three I wish you'd come right back to me.
Day four, five and six, well I guess you just don't give a shit.
Day seven, this is hell. this is hell.
I gotta get away, and find something to do.
But everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you.

Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Still counting the days since you left me. 1, 2, 3 ,4...
Still counting the days since you've been gone.

A thousand things I wanna say to you, but its too late now.
A thousand things I wanna say...
A thousand things I wanna say to you, but its too late now.
A thousand things I wanna say...

Still counting the days I've been without you.
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Still counting the days since you left me 1, 2, 3, 4...
Still counting the days that you've been gone.
Gone...
Gone...
Gone...
Gone...

- Josh Edwards