Still counting the days that you've been gone.

Argh. So tonight I'm trying to write this goofy, silly movie that my buddy and I have been working on for almost a year now. It's a little more broad of comedy than I'm used to, so I have to be in juuuuuust the right mood to pull it off.

And right now I'm just not in that mood.

I find myself thinking constantly of the recent and very painful (for me at least) breakup. See, I had this other breakup like, in 1996. And that's it. I've only had my heart broken once. Well, twice now, I guess.

I'm just not used to this. Were I a better writer I could describe the pain with cooler words and bigger analogies. Instead all that I can say is that it hurts. My stomach is in knots, constantly, I get the most restless sleep imaginable, every night, and I feel like I want to cry about 23 hours of the day.

Seriously. Just about everything sets me off now. I haven't listened to a full CD in over two weeks now. Why is it that musicians write about lost love almost as much as they write about falling in love? So half of the songs are so sad, and that makes me MORE sad. The other half are happy, and that makes me sadder still.

So I end up listening to movie soundtracks. You know, scores. John Williams. Hans Zimmer. Klaus Badelt's new Pirates of the Caribbean. Anything that doesn't have words and thoughts and associations.

Like that remake of Don Henley's "Boys of Summer" by The Ataris. My now EX-girlfriend loves the original, hates the remake. And it's always on KROQ. So we heard it lots when we used to be together, driving around, happy. Well, even if it wasn't always happy, I was a hell of a lot happier than I am right now. And the song is still always on KROQ. And now I hear it. Alone.

I know that it all doesn't pertain to me and her and us and the breakup, and I am pretty certain that it wasn't all a dream, nor that I can win her back. But I can see her, and she's always so cute and tan (God, I remember the first time we hung out in Vegas I was just amazed at how tan she was. In November. I was amazed. How is that possible, I wondered at the time. Duh ... hi, jackass, tanning booth? Yeah, you're a retard).

Then there's Goldfinger, which is one of my little Southern California pop / punk / ska bands that nobody's ever heard of. No, my now EX-girlfriend doesn't really like them, either, she did go to a show once, though, which was mighty kind of her.

Goldfinger writes lots of random songs, and a couple about love and breakups and the like. It's weird, some songs that I've heard a thousand times I'm listening to with fresh ears. Like this:

And now she's gone, and I'm counting the days. I gotta get away, find something to do. But everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you ...

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