Halloween is my fav-o-rite holiday because as a society we are expected to go to the store and buy lots of candy so I do this but then I go home and turn off all of the lights and don't answer the door if anyone knocks or rings and I sit there for hours in the dark just salivating and then at the end of the night I have a whole big bowl full of candy leftover and I think to myself "self I have eat all of this candy as society expects me to go to the store and buy lots of candy but tonight I did not give any of this said candy away so in order to waste not as we are also told to believe as a society I will now have to eat all of the candy by myself" and then I stick my head into the bowl of candy like I am bobbing for apples but really I'm just bobbing for the little flavored tootsie rolls you know the lemon and strawberry and the oh so yummy vanilla ones that I don't think they sell by themselves but only in big assortments where you get fifty brown turdy tootsie rolls to every one yummy flavored tootsie roll and I eat all of those and then I eat all of the fruit flavored Now and Laters and then all of the Smarties and then all of the other fruit flavored candies and then for about an hour I run around the apartment singing songs from my favorite musicals including singing in the rain and the lion king and then I stop and yawn and ... then things ... sorta ... slllooooowww down ... a bit ... and ... (yawn) ... I relax a bit ... and that ... is why ... Halloween ... is my ... fav-ooooo-rite holiday ... ever.

- Josh Edwards