01/31/04 - Go Pats!

I just have to say GO NEW ENGLAND!!!!! Before they win the Super Bowl tomorrow. Now if there was any way that their luck would rub off onto the Red Sox (and don't even give me that, "it's the new stadium" line ...)

01/30/04 - Fun Story

So the other night I was doing laundry in the laundry room here at my apartment. Now, for some reason we have four washers and three dryers. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't we have more dryers than washers? This just shows you how much complex thinking went into my apartment building (i.e. none).

Anyway, when I was washing my one load of laundry, all three dryers were going. When I finished my wash, the dryers were done too. But the clothes were still in them. I hate touching other people's stuff in the laundry room - you never know what unmentionables you might find, and then do you fold them or do you not fold them, I mean, it's rude not too, but then who's going to want to wear underwear that has been folded by someone else? This moral quandry is why I always set my egg timer and make sure to get down to the washer or dryer BEFORE my laundry is done, so I don't put one of my neighbor's into a similar state of confusion. Plus I just really don't want the skeevy dude from downstairs touching my boxers.

So I left the three dryers done and full and went upstairs for fifteen or twenty minutes. When I returned they were still sitting there. So I unloaded one - the one that looked upon a quick glance to be mostly towels and sheets. I didn't fold, I just hustled them ontop of the dryer and hustled my clothes in. The only thing worse than having to molest other peoples clean clothes is to have said person walk in on you molesting their clothes.

I set the egg timer to forty-five minutes and got back to my TV or whatever I was doing. Timer goes off, I go downstairs.

At this point I should mention that most of the people in the building are not young entertainment industry peons who want a really cheap apartment in a somewhat seedy part of town, like my roommate and myself, but mostly recent immigrants to this country who want really cheap apartment in a somewhat seedy part of town. Like the skeevy dude from downstairs. Or the old guy at the top of the stairs who is always walking around in his tighty-whities ... in front of the giant picture window ... in the middle of the day.

Yeah, we have some winners.

So as I go downstairs to get my laundry, I see a kind of cute woman, young twenties, talking to the apartment manager. I just figure she must be here looking at a vacant apartment, I seems to happen a lot, people come to look at the apartment and then for whatever reason (my vote is the old guy in the tighty-whities) never take the apartment.

But then she follows me into the laundry room, where two other young women are taking clothes out of the washing machine. They all talk, so they must all live here (I mean, who goes to someone else's apartment to do laundry?!?)

At this point I bite the bullet and decide to talk to them. I mean, besides the head-nod-and-"hey" that I give most of my neighbors (except the old guy, even fully clothed I can't seem to make eye contact with him).

I say, "one of you three can take this machine. The other two still have clothes in them - but they've been there for well over an hour". We chat about this, I won't transcribe it, it's not really that witty banter that you've come to expect from me. But hey, it breaks the ice and gets the job done.

One of them mentions that someone once put gum in her dryer after she moved the clean clothes out. The other says that so-and-so upstairs had a guy put an ink pen in the dryer after the same thing happened. Of course the third has to chime in "ink pen? As opposed to a lead pen?"

I like her. She's saucy.

I tell them whoever takes my dryer runs the risk of a gumming or an inking, as the person who left their dryer full for 1/25 of the day might think one of the three moved their clothes. All evidence of me will be gone by then. One says, "we'll find you if that happens". "Okay. I live in apartment eighty...six." (there is no apartment eighty-six). She looks at me confused-like. "... oh!" She finally gets it.

So we go on for a few minutes, I make a few jokes, it's all good in the hood. One of them opens the door for me as I leave. Now, the door on the laundry room has one of those springs that slows the door down. You know, so it doesn't slam shut on your behind when you're laboring with all of those clean clothes. So as I walk away the door is closing - very slowly. I get a few paces and I hear one of them say, "He's cute!"

Doesn't that just butter your bread? It does me.

01/28/04 - Alternate History Story Idea

I love alternate history stories. You know, those fictionalized short stories about real events but with a different ending than reality? What if Hitler won the War? What if the South won the war? What if Russia was the first to the Moon? (Okay, not that last one, I made it up.)

Well this morning I came up with a clever story I've never seen before.

I was thinking about the Civil War, because I watched the West Wing from two weeks ago last night, and they had that whole South Carolina v. Connecticuit over the stolen copy of the Bill of Rights thing (if you didn't see it, you missed a great episode, along with two really clever lines about the Hartford Whalers.)

Then I was thinking about the Roman Empire, because ... well, it's one of those days. Now, if I'm not mistaken the fall of Rome had to do with a couple of factors, including dividing the empire into two, which lead to a twenty or twenty-five year civil war, which weakened the armies so that the Barbarians could invade and Paganism take over. (Please, correct me if I'm wrong on any of this.)

So my story is thus: What if the Civil War so weakened the United States that a nation of assembled Native American tribes kicked the crap out of us? What if the Native Americans won the war?

Like I said, I think it's clever ...

01/26/04 - The Inferno

I'm a big fan of both The Real World and The Road Rules. I love taking a half-dozen kids who don't know better, liquoring them up, and rolling tape. Genius.

MTV is pretty clever, though, with The Real World / Road Rules Challenge. They take these semi-celebrities who are at minute 14:59 of their fame and help them extend it a little more, while liquoring them up and rolling tape. Again, genius.

Now, these cats are much older than the rookies on the Real World or Road Rules. You'd think they know better and act like grownups. But they don't. In fact, they're more foolish and flakey than the new kids on the block. There's an air of despiration to their actions - they've been famous (kind of) and now they're not. They want to regain their fame ... and they'll do anything to get there. That means that they sleep with each other, they backstab each other, and they yell at each other. Lots.

This last season's challenge was "The Gauntlet". The missions were all pretty sub-par, but we don't watch the show for the missions. We watch for the inter-personal feuds. And boy did the Gauntlet have feuds in spades. Las Vegas' Trishelle started sleeping with Mike, who was from ... well, I don't even know which Real World. It doesn't matter, really. He must be a complete retard, he pissed off his whole team to get with the sluttiest woman ever on MTV. And tonight they revealed she started cheating on him the minute they got back to Los Angeles after the Gauntlet was done.

Yes, tonight was the show bridging the gap between the Gauntlet and the next challenge. MTV jumped on the craziness and set up the next one right away. They got most of the Gauntlet crew for The Inferno - plus they added some of the Paris kids. Ace, Mallory, Leah and CT.

And I loved the Paris kids. Ace and Mallory are the cutest damn couple ever. CT is annoying, but in that little brother kind of way. Leah ... well, I don't trust her, but she's good for the drama, so what can you do? You needs the drama.

I know it's bad TV. I know that it's silly. But, much like my cheesy movies, I love it.

And next Monday night we get The Inferno. I can't wait!

01/25/04 - I love movie romance

So today I saw that new movie "Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!" starring my future wife, Kate Bosworth. Oh, yeah, it also starred Topher Grace and that guy Josh Duhamel from the NBC "Las Vegas" show. But mostly Kate Bosworth.

It's not the best movie ever made, but I'm not a movie critic, so who gives a shit. I loved it. Movie romance is so easy. There's that little obstacle and it almost looks like the star-crossed lovers are not going to make it, and then, bang! A not-so surprise ending where they kiss and hug and cry and laugh ... genius. Man, if that Shakespeare guy had written like this people MIGHT just pay more attention to his stuff.

Also it has Kate Bosworth. So cute. Topher and Josh are actually two very cool and funny guys, too, so I don't mind watching them in the flick, either. But Kate ... damn!

In all seriousness, I love movie romance. It's so idealistic. So simple. You know who to root for and who to boo at. Best of all it's resolved neatly and happily in an hour and a half. If anything is messy or weird it can be fixed in post. Seriously. Take Kate Bosworth's eyes. Her left one is blue, the right one is brown. For real. Now, this is fine with me, it's a little offputting at first, and I think if I met her in person I might stare just a little too intently for a little too long, but I'm overall fairly cool about it. But then towards the end of the movie, in the scene in her bedroom, she has two blue eyes. How tweaked is that? The majority of the people in the audience won't notice, but every detail is poured over when making a movie. It's how I want my life to be. I just want that one romantic comedy week - where every detail is perfect and anything is possible ... but really we all know where it's headed and what's going to happen at the end of the week.

And since I'm making requests, I request that Kate Bosworth be the lead in my movieweek. Even if she has two different colored eyes.

01/23/04 - My Car

The little Jetta just turned 7,500 miles on the way home from the gym this morning. How crazy is that! It seems like I just got the car (almost 11 months ago now), but then it also seems like it's been forever since I had the Saab.

I do miss the Saab, but this Jetta is rad. And it only has 7,501 miles on it!!

01/22/04 - The OC

First off, damn. I really wanted to see a full-out brawl last night on The OC. Oliver is a twerp who needs to get his ass kicked. But now there's no new episodes for a month, and then when they come back there's something about a gun and Marissa being threatened by Oliver ... lame! Lame!

I want Oliver's nefarious plans to be exposed, and then have Ryan beat him up and everyone approve. I know there's a lack of drama there, but it'd be so cool.

And for those of you who mock The OC, you should really watch it before you put it down. It's quite amusing, and the parents have storylines, too. It's not at all 9021-O.C. Really.

01/21/04 - The OC

I so hope tonight's the night Ryan puts the big beat-down on Oliver! I've been waiting for this for so long! Please please please ...

01/19/04 - Kill Bill, Vol. 1

I decided to follow up "Gangs of New York" with "Kill Bill, Vol. 1" yesterday. I'm trying in vain to think of some joke about violence in the media. But all I can think about is how Uma would totally kick Bill the Butcher's ass.

Well, that, and how incredibly hot Lucy Liu is. DAMN!

01/18/04 - Gangs of New York

This weekend I finally saw the epic motion picture "Gangs of New York". I only have one question: if Bill the Butcher only has one eye, how on earth can he have any depth perception to throw those knives so accurately?

01/17/04 - How to Calm Down

I have a new plan for this website. I'll just write a little bit each day, not a whole big rambling mess. This will be a more timely and accurate insight into who I am. Plus it'll be a heck of a lot easier to keep up.

So my first thought is easy. I've been thinking lately on how to be a calmer and more centered human being. How to let things go (as sometimes I don't and they get all bottled up. I'll spare you the personal details, but I do and I know I do and that's all that we're going to worry about.)

And I think I've figured it out. Each week all you have to do to remain a calm and collected human is make time to sit down with a beer and one of these three movies: Office Space, Get Shorty or Snowball Express. You'll be much more relaxed after just a month on this plan. Trust me.

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