01/29/05 - Alcohol Abuse

I stopped writing how blisteringly cold it's been each morning because it became very repetitive. So until you hear otherwise, it's fucking freezing here. Like, five-to-ten below zero in the morning, rising to possibly the double digits by mid-afternoon. And by mid-afternoon I mean one-thirty, as the sun still goes down freaking early. And double digits don't happen everyday, either.

Case in point the other day I had to run to Home Depot for work (don't ask). When I got out of the car in South Portland, I was like, "Man, it's warm out! Where's my fleece vest, I'm all over that instead of my coat!"

After buying the five pounds of plaster-of-paris (seriously, don't ask) I tripped back to work. On the drive I passed a bank or some-such with a thermometer sign out front. It read "6". As in six degrees. Fahrenheit.

Anyway, one of the benefits (or so I thought) of living in a snowy climate again was the general ease of keeping beer cold. Coors Light advertises as "The coldest tasting beer in the world"? Well, shoot, any beer kept outside in Maine in the winter is going to be pretty damned cold.

It's a good thing we have such a built-in refridgeration system, too. My brother and my New Years Eve party this year was pretty huge, and for some reason everyone bought Sam Adams Light. Not that there's anything wrong with that, not at all, it's a tasty beer ... with only 124 calories. The fridge was full fairly quickly, so people just left the beer on the enclosed-but-not-heated porch.

The next morning in cleaning I found we still had four cases of Sam Adams Light left over.

Since we enjoy Sam more than some other beers, I switched the fridge out, putting the Miller Lite and assortment of other Sams out on the porch. See, I got one of those sampler packs a few months back, with such beers as Sam Adams Scotch Ale, Cream Stout, Boston Ale, etc. They were pretty rank tasting really, at least nowhere near normal Sam quality. So I put those on the porch, along with a few Sam Summer Ales we still had.

Not wanting to leave them just out in the open, I grabbed the Molson Canadian Chiller Pack that Zak and I had bought the day of the Class of 1994 Reunion this summer. It's pretty cool, really, it's cheap-o vinyl cooler full of 36 cans of Molson Canadian and Molson Canadian Light. We drank them all day, you know, to steel-up for the reunion.

Anyway, I threw the shitty Sams and the Miller Lites in the Chiller Pack and threw in some snow and figured we were good. They'd be insulated and cold and nothing would go wrong.

Except they got too cold.

One night this week I got home and the porch stank of beer. Daniel is visiting a friend right now in Memphis, so he hadn't been drinking on the porch. And it had been so damned cold the beer couldn't have gotten too warm to melt -- shit.

The beers had all popped their tops in the Chiller Pack. Beer slushy lined the bottom. It was a mess. Worse, eighteen beers gave their life.

At least we still have the Sam Light in the fridge. Or what's left of it...

01/24/05 - Introducing "Schuffie McShuffle"

Just got my iPod Shuffle in the mail today!! That was only 12 days ago when I ordered it!!

I'd write more, but it's almost done updating the 1 gig of songs I've picked out. More later!!

01/22/05 - 226,566

I read that the Boxing Day Tsunami death toll is now around 226,566. That's amazing. Almost a quarter of a million people.

For reference, here are some populations (mostly based on the 2000 Census):

So that adds up to forty-six Bridgtons. Or three and a half Portlands. Two Burbanks. A Rochester. Over half of Las Vegas. Almost half of Boston. It's really quite a staggering number when you think about it.

01/21/05 - This Darkened Heart

So there's this girl. Woman, really. I don't know how to explain it without sounding silly. She's one of the illustrious three I've said those three words to (and she's one of the two who actually said it back to me.) But I've never kissed her or anything. Can I say she's my soulmate without sounding trite and foolish? No?

Well deal with it, 'cause she's my soulmate.

Besides Holly and Jill she knows me the best of any woman on the planet. But you see, I haven't spoken to her since July. (We had a falling out.) Anyway, yesterday was her birthday.

So I pulled an evil prank. I called her from a calling card, and now she still doesn't know my phone number.

I know it's dumb and foolish, but still, I'm upset with her for reasons that are too twisted and complicated to get into here. Sure, if she remembers my brother's name and the town we live in she could find my number very quickly, heck, even if she just remembered the town she has a one in nine chance in finding me.

But it's not that. It's ... something else. I'm sort of frightened to see her. See, we haven't actually seen each other since 1996. And that was a long time ago. What if this all doesn't live up to the hype? Then what? Are the last nine years of phone calls and frustration all for naught?

I guess behind silence and solitude there's all that remains ...

01/20/05 - Possibly the Worst Feeling in the World...

You know what sucks? Having to go to the bathroom really, really badly -- but also being really thirsty at the same time. I mean, how is that physically possible???

01/20/05 - Shuffie McShuffle.

Just got a mail from Apple - my iPod Shuffle shipped yesterday!


01/19/05 - Chilly.

This morning it's ten below zero in Bridgton.

Last Friday it was 55 when I woke up. That's a sixty-five degree difference in five days, roughly the equivalent of it being forty degrees on a Monday and one-hundred and five on Friday.

That's pretty messed up.

01/19/05 - 24.

So I had a few problems with 24 this week. I know, I know, blasphemy. But hear me out.

First off, let me get this right. The Army, CTU and the whole government can only come up with two plans to rescue Secretary of Defense Heller - A) Marines go in guns blazing or B) bombs.

What if they cut the power to the area? Cut the phone lines? Microwave jam the cell phone frequencies? Perhaps send in troops a little more elite than Marines, you know, Green Berets or Navy Seals?

Seriously. This is foolish. I know they're setting up Jack Bauer to be the hero, but still, c'mon. Be a little realistic.

And why is the President on Air Force One? I know we missed the first fifteen minutes, but he's been travelling for six hours now? Or is this in response to the bombing of the train in Valencia? (This is more of a real question and less of a "what's the deal with...")

The Araz family. If I have to hear "what we've been waiting so long for" or "what we've been working so hard for" or "the hard plans we've worked and waited to long to wait for" one more time I'm going to barf. Trusting a teenager to clean his or her room or take out the trash is one thing. Trusting one to be the lynchpin in the plans of a vast terrorist cell is completely different. And don't give me that "their culture of childraring is different than the Western mores". It's foolish!

And killing the cute little girl is completely unnecessary. But they did it, fine. Leaving her dead body in the living room for a full hour? Might not be the best thing. I'm just saying, isn't there something in the terrorist handbook about that? At least put in in the pantry or the hall closet, for the love of Allah.

I know this is fiction, and me picking apart the episode is almost as bad as the trekkies who point out that Lt. Data says he graduated from Starfleet Academy in the class of '78, and that he served in Starfleet for 22 years. This would make the current year '00 - except throughout the series, it is clear that Star Trek: The Next Generation takes place in the 2360s.

See what I'm saying?

01/18/05 - Balmy.

It's zero degrees out this morning. That's thirty-two degrees below freezing. True, it's no 50 below zero like they had in Minnesota yesterday, but still, it doesn't get me excited to go outside!

01/16/05 - Oh Obnoxious Boss, where did you go?

I'll admit it, I was one of the three or four viewers of Fox's My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss. Not a completely faithful, sit by the TV all day Sunday waiting for it viewer, but it did immediately follow The Simpsons and Arrested Development - two of the best shows ever made on TV ever. So you just know I'm going to tune in for those!

"My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss" was the fake "Apprentice" show with this faux Donald Trump who totally tormented his peons - he told one guy he didn't like the way he dressed, one guy was too short, and one redhaired chick he always hit on. They all thought he was serious, and freaked out. It was funny. Oh, and his little sidekick, you know, like George or Caroline? The guy totally played it gay like he was hitting on one of the contestants. Creepy. Creepy but awesome. True - not the most brilliant show ever, but funny.

William August played N. Paul Todd, the psycho ficticious multibillionaire owner of IOCOR.

Anyway, Fox hyped the hell out of the show during the World Series, so I thought it was a little odd when the show just kind of went away. I figured it was moved to a different slot, or maybe pre-empted by football. I didn't think much of it, sure, I wondered who won, how Whitney did, and what the final reveal really was. (I read a crazy theory/spoiler on Ain't It Cool News, but I wanted to see if Fox would really go through with it.)

Remember the ads during baseball?
"A paper jam! There's a paper jam!"

Anyway, today I read this statement:

I guess that, and some show called "Playing It Straight", were cancelled mid-series, and they're going to burn off the remaining episodes on the web. Like a test, to see if anyone watches. ("Playing It Straight" is going to cost money to download, however).

When the boxing show "The Next Great Champ" was cancelled Fox sent it Fox Sports, and NBC sent "The Last Comic Standing" to Comedy Central. I like the internet idea better, I hope this works out for them.

So check Fox.com soon, if only to see what happens to Whitney from Atlanta.

01/14/05 - Museum of Science.

A couple of us are going to Boston to the Museum of Science tomorrow. It's odd, I haven't been there forever. Well, not forever, but at least not since 1997, probably.

I used to work at the mall around the corner, the CambridgeSide Galleria. One day after our shift a bunch of us ran over there to play for a few hours. Those were the days of Little Kristin - this woman that I worked with that I had a total crush on. (For those of you keeping score at home, this was all post-Crazy Mychelle. Yes, I know there's a long roster of unfulfilled crushes in my life, so thank you for keeping them all straight.)

I know it's part of getting old, but it's quite something for me to look back on those events and feel like they just happened and it was eight years ago. That's several lifetimes ago for me, really. I guess that I've been doubly blessed to have had the chance to not only live so many crazy lives but meet so many great people, such as Little Kristin and Crazy Mychelle.

01/14/05 - Shuffleumpigus.

Here's a better photo if the iPod that I bought the other day.

It should arrive mid-February. I can't wait!!!

01/13/05 - Santos for President.

Boy, the West Wing is really making Matt Santos out to be the anti-Kerry. Campaigning for President in New Hampshire, he kept talking about the issues instead of pandering to the local crowd. I mean, he even said something like, "I'm not going to flip-flop." If there's any way to hit the nail on the head any harder, I don't know what it is.

It's kind of like how Jed Bartlet was a more stand-up version of Clinton, down to the nagging wife. At least, he was until creator Aaron Sorkin was booted from the show.

There's one thing that bothers me about Santos, though. You know how last night he had taken a dig at New Hampshire about how white they all are? Something about the Mayflower and all of that? Well, his wife is played by actress Teri Polo. Teri Polo was the one who played Ben Stiller's fiancee in Meet the Parents. What was her character's name? Something like Waspy McBlonde? No, that's still too ethnic.

I'm just saying that if you're going to bring race into the show (which is not a bad thing at all) make sure that it makes sense for the characters. Why would Santos say something fairly racist if his wife is all blonde and Aryan? Doesn't that seem odd?

01/12/05 - Shuffle off to Cupertino.

So I ordered me one of them fancy new iPod Shuffles that just came out yesterday.

Smaller and lighter than a pack of gum, this mofo is going to be mine in four to six weeks.

I'll keep ya posted ...

01/11/05 - Hooked on 24 (cont.)

Ochs wrote not one, not two, but three blogs about 24 over the last two days.

I win. Send me my hundred dollars, punk!

01/10/05 - Hooked on 24.

I've never watched the show 24 before. I know, I know, it's supposed to be such a great show. Everyone always raves about it. My friend Ochs loves the show. In fact, he barely never updates his blog anymore except to mention 24. I bet you a hundred dollars he'll have a new update today or tomorrow about the show.

Because last night was the season premiere and they showed 2 hours. Tonight they're playing 2 more hours.

Why do I know this? Well, I turned Fox on last night at 8 for the Simpsons and 24 was on instead. And now my brother and I are hooked.

So don't call the Edwards house tonight at 8 pm, we won't answer the phone. We'll be pretending it's 9-11 am, Jack Bauer time ...

01/07/05 - Zaks.

Oddly enough, the two people I know named Zak (well, one is a Zac) have birthdays this weekend. Granted, I haven't really talked to either of them for quite some time (one's in LA and one moved to South Carolina, of all places).

This is only trumped by my two Liz friends being born on the same day in June ...

01/06/05 - Takajo.

Did you notice that Seth Cohen mentioned Camp Takajo twice tonight on The OC?

You will recall my thoughts in this from last May ...

01/05/05 - Crap!

I've already broken my New Year's resolution.

It's been five days.

Yup, I used air quotes.

I'm sorry, but air quotes are played. They're old. Once Chris Farley died, we really should have retired this funny, yet overused device. So I'm trying, one person at a time, to stop them.

Until today at work. One of the women and I were discussing, of all things, "woodin'" and "muddin'". Different terms, same definition. Driving in mud through the woods in a "beater" - an old beaten up, possibly not registered/not street legal, vehicle.

I had never heard the term "woodin'", nor had she the term "muddin'". (She's hails from mid-atlantic Maine, I'm from South-Western Maine).

So as I desribed "muddin'" I used air-quotes. In the middle I realized what I was doing, and got pissed at myself. I was so set to go the whole 365 without them. Crap.

Hal Sparks uses the dreaded air quotes on "Talk Soup" back in the day.

01/03/05 - Monkey!

So my former boss had a baby right before I left Los Angeles. I had worked with her since day one of my internship in June of 1997. And since then I always considered her a big sister to me, so I felt her son was kind of like my nephew. In fact, she was really the first person I told about my plans to leave Los Angeles. She was going on maternity leave from work, and I hadn't told anyone yet, but she could tell from the look in my eye. That was one of Josh's Saddest Moments of 2004&trade, by the way.

By leaving I kind of feel like I abandoned that family, which sucks. So I made sure to send my little psudeo-nephew a little stuffed monkey for Christmas. It feels like a beanie baby, but it's bigger and cuter. And it's a monkey, and monkeys are cool.

Anyway, she and her husband put 30 photos of baby's first Christmas online (ophoto.com or one of those sites). The best part - one of them was the baby with my monkey! That's awesome!!

01/02/05 - Six Years.

Last night a bunch of us went to the movies to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. (Not a bad movie, by the way, but no "Rushmore".)

Anyway, as I sat down in the theater, something in my front coat pocket crinkled. Now, this is the coat I've been wearing all winter, every day.

I open the zipper and found a movie ticket stub. Not unusual, I find them in the oddest places. But then I look at the info.

Same day, January first, from six years ago.

That New Years' Eve I went down to Boston to visit my college roommate and his girlfriend (now soon to be wife in 2005). For the holiday we went to this club Axis on Landsdowne St (right behind Fenway) with some people. The next day (January 1st) we got up late, went to Outback, and then to the movies.

It's just odd because that was my first year in Los Angeles, I was psyched for my job, everyone thought I was the big shit ... pretty much everything in my life was completely different.

I doubt I'll still be wearing the same coat in 2011, but if I am maybe I'll look in that pocket again and find two movie ticket stubs in there ...

home | e-mail

This page made with a Macintosh

Last Updated on: January 29, 2005

© 2005 Joshua Paul Edwards