04/30/06 - White House Correspondents' Dinner

Once I heard that Stephen Colbert was going to host last night's White House Correspondents' Dinner I knew I had to catch a rerun on C-Span. But then I just read an article about who else was there.

Wow, talk about an All-Star crew.

Now I have to find footage of this mess. It's got more D List celebs than a Comedy Central roast!!

04/29/06 - Anti-Johnny Damon T-shirt

Today the Boston Globe had this photo from a clever Faneuil Hall vendor. Oh man, do I want one:

I'm so glad I never got one of those Damon is my Homeboy shirts back in 2004 ...

04/28/06 - UPDATE: Gecko found in sandwich photo

This is 100% serious.

I might never eat at an Amatos again.

Good Lord...

04/28/06 - And then he tried to sell me car insurance ...

BREAKING NEWS: One of my co-workers just found a gecko in his lunch.


He got an Italian sandwich and found the dead lizard in the middle of it.

I said, "The only thing worse than finding a gecko in your sandwich is finding half a gecko in your sandwich."

We're calling Amatos corp headquarters now, and maybe we'll call the TV news. See how much of a slow news day it is ...

04/28/06 - New Toy

Yesterday I got the COOLEST camera tripod ever. The GorillaPod.

Check it:

I have to get out to take some photos this weekend. I hope it's sunny and springlike ...

04/27/06 - I can't believe that they played the Keith Hernandez Seinfeld episode this week ...

I was home fairly early tonight from work, so I was able to catch some Simpsons and Seinfeld reruns between 7 pm and 8 pm. The Simpsons was the marginally funny one where Marge gets a job at the nuclear power plant, so I flipped over to Seinfeld on Fox 23, and it was the one with Keith Hernandez.

You know, Jerry has a little man-crush on former Mets baseball player Keith Hernandez, but Kramer and Newman don't like him because they think he spat on them in 1987? They have the whole Zapruder Film parody?

What amazes me is that they played the Keith Hernandez episode this week after his comments on Saturday night. See, he was in San Diego calling a Padres / Mets game. And after a shot of the dugout where you could see a female high-fiving Mike Piazza after a home run, Hernandez said:

"Who is the girl in the dugout, with the long hair? What's going on here? You have got to be kidding me. Only player personnel in the dugout."

Unfortunately for Keith, the woman in question actually was Padres personnel; Kelly Calabrese is San Diego's full-time massage therapist.

But Hernandez went on to say, "I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout."

After the game, Padres manager Bruce Bochy had a great quote. "I didn't think gender was even an issue anymore," Bochy said.

But Calabrese, she had the best line. "It amazes me that somebody of that caliber that has obviously played the game before and is in front of an audience of millions of people would say something like that," she said. "He not only discredited me as a person, but he discredited women."

Sadly Keith Hernandez wasn't fired, he apologized, and the network that employs him, SportsNet New York, said he had been reprimanded. And obviously his Seinfeld re-runs are still playing out there. So sad.

04/27/06 - Two-Light Town

So I live in rural Bridgton, Maine. It's about ten square miles with 5000 people. We have a couple of banks, a gas station, a Subway, two Big Apple convenience stores, and until this spring we had one grocery store and one stoplight.

Then we got a second grocery store.

And now today we have a second stoplight at said second grocery store.

I haven't even lived here for two years yet, only since July of 2004 (although I grew up in the town next door) but so much has changed in that time. Before Bridgton I lived in Burbank, California for three and a half years. And nothing changed in Burbank. Well, we got an Urban Outfitters and a AMC Theater, but in three years? That's not much at all.

Since then I think the biggest change is that they retrofitted my McDonalds. Yes, the McDonalds where I've eaten at least once a year from 1997 - 2005. Speaking of, I really hope that I get to Burbank this year, I mean, yeah, to visit Jill and all of my other friends, but also to eat at my McDonalds. This year would mark a decade. And honestly, how many restaurants can you say you've been to at least once each year for a decade? Well, okay, maybe that's not as big a deal as I think. But considering I only lived in LA for six years, that's pretty good ... right?

Anyway, back to Bridgton. Finding the second stoplight today made me kind of sad. And not just because my brother's house is smack dab between the two lights and traffic this summer is going to be a bastard. No, mostly because I hate change. And Bridgton being a two-light town is a big change.

04/27/06 - Futurama is getting straight-to-DVD movies!!

The have an interview with Simpsons and Futurama creator Matt Groening over at The Onion AV Club where he mentions the future of Futurama. Here's a clip:

04/25/06 - TV Turnoff Week

Wow, I’m not as addicted to TV as I thought I was!


If you haven’t seen the news, April 24 - 30 is TV Turnoff Week. No TV for a week. Yes, I know, technically it started yesterday, but I hadn’t heard about it until today. Thus my watching “24” last night was wholly justified. Not that it was a great episode, really. Which reminds me, sometime I have to write about “24” and the very odd turns it’s taken this season. Not a fan, really.

Regardless, after I saw it was TV Turnoff Week, I started thinking, “what shows will I have to tape?” It seems half of the articles I’ve read are telling me what to TiVo this week while you’re not watching the tube. Um, that’s skirting the rules a little, isn’t it? “I’m not going to watch TV alllllllll week, so I plan on taking May 1st and 2nd off from work to catch up.”

But as I sat down to draw up my list I only came up with one show to tape, The West Wing next Sunday. Sure, I love Scrubs, The Office, My Name is Earl – but they’re not Must See TV. I miss them all more than I see them, and I’m not really sad about it.

Arrested Development was Must See TV, until Fox took it away.


Anyway, I realized I only watch Matt Santos and Jack Bauer now. And the Matt Santos show is a pale reflection of its former glory. What’s this about Arnold Vinick being the new Vice President next week?! Um, didn’t we already do a Republican VP when Acting President Walken appointing Bob Russell three years ago? At least Sam Seaborn is back. That was a happy surprise this week.

And “24” … I … I just can’t get into it now. Too many twists that, in hindsight, make little to no sense. It’s sad.

04/23/06 - Everyone loves Coco

On Thursday I had to drive to the new Ikea in Stoughton, Mass for work. We needed these forty chairs for a program, and since temps can't get debit cards or drive rental trucks (in this case a 16 ft Ryder truck) and my office is overrun with temps, I was pretty much the only person left to do it.

It actually wasn't bad - the truck had a tape deck so I listened to the iPod at full blast all of the way down.

Driving over the Tobin Bridge reminded me of this article from the Boston Globe from the other week that I forgot to mention.

After reading that you could actually hear the sighs of appreciation from thousands of frugal New Englanders, who don't know a whole lot about this wounded new center fielder.

Then they collectively said, "Screw that fancy haircut getting Johnny Damon, showing up in limos with his replacement wife who stunk up NESN with her 'In Style with Michelle Damon' show. NESN is for sports, no one gives a crap about their style!"

After that they all said, "He's right! Why's the toll $3? That is expensive!!"

04/23/06 - Air Force One Tagging a Hoax

Marc Ecko has always seemed a little "too cool for school" to me, but this is pretty clever. Very Blair Witch.

I like the the government had to look into it. I can only imagine that they had several meetings about this - first, "is it real?" and second, "could this ever really happen?" and third, "how can we make sure that it never does happen?"

Check out the video at: http://www.stillfree.com

04/20/06 - Gosh, I hope it's my ex-girlfriend

04/18/06 - Suri Cruise born tonight, Vatican claims as first sign of the Apocalypse

The word "antichrist" appears in just three passages in the Bible (in the New Testament letters known as 1 John and 2 John); it does not appear at all in the Book of Revelation. Nevertheless, the idea of an Antichrist is central to the apocalyptic world view that sees human history as a struggle between God and Satan for the fate of mankind.

According to most Christian prophesies of the End Time, the Antichrist will act as Satan's chief agent on earth during this period. The Antichrist -- a sort of evil twin of Jesus in many ways -- will forge a one-world government through promises of peace. But when Jesus returns, he will expose the Antichrist as an impostor, defeat him in the battle of Armageddon, and reign with the Christian martyrs for a thousand years on earth.

Robert Fuller, in his book Naming the Antichrist, notes that modern apocalypticists believe the Book of Revelation "contains much information about the Antichrist--who will emerge as a 'beast from the sea' to be Satan's ally in a last, desperate assault on Christ and his church." This "parody and mirror opposite of Christ" will be identifiable in a number of ways:

04/17/06 - Meet the Robinsons Trailer Online!!

The last movie I was working on when I left Disney almost two years ago finally has a trailer - check out Meet the Robinsons.

Why, I’m so proud, I think I’ll bust!

See, my friend Steve is directing this movie. He's also the voice of the villian. And I'm not just saying this, but Steve's one of the nicest people I've ever met. I'm so psyched that he's had the chance to make this movie, and can't wait to see it.

That last one reminds me of the Dubai skyline, doesn't it?

04/17/06 - Forgot to watch the West Wing last night!

Aw man! I forgot The West Wing last night! Coming home from Easter dinner at the aunt and uncle's I forgot the VCR!

And now I see this article from the Times, and I really can't believe it. Why would they really do this? I say it's bunk, bogus, sucking up to the 50% of the populace that likes their President dumb, cocky and smug (i.e. Republican).

04/15/06 - 3 Fast, 3 Furious

I meant to write more this week, but it was a little nuts. Here are three of the entries I meant to make, but never got around to.

Wednesday I drove down to Concord, MA to check a proof at one of my vendors. Now, you know how I love Yahoo Maps and Google Maps and the like. But one thing that those computers still haven't figured out is how to describe rotaries. You know, roundabouts. And Massachusetts has more freaking rotaries than anyplace else.

Needless to say, I got foolishly lost because of a Yahoo Map / rotary issue.

Sadly, this isn't the first time I've been lost in Massachusetts because of rotaries, right Miranda?

The only solace I had was driving around Lexington and Concord, birthplace of the American Revolution, blasting American Idiot. Dude, I'm a rebel.

Yup. A 30-year-old-straight-white-man-driving-my-leased-Jetta-style rebel.

Rebel. Whoo!

But seriously it got me to thinking, "What would the founding fathers think about George W. Bush?" Like if the Hall of Presidents came alive, and started interacting with each other. What would Washington say to Dubya? Would Jefferson and Clinton talk politics, or chicks?

Anyway, the day was saved, luckily, by lunch at Baja Fresh.

Man, do I ever miss Mexican food in Maine. It's really the thing I miss most about moving away from Southern California. Well, that, and my friends. (Friends like a enchilado style baja burrito with chicken!)

Wednesday night I threw in the Cannonball Run DVD as I ate dinner. What a glorious, twisted, stupid movie. I'm seriously going to have to write about this movie sometime. I mean, it's 1981, but there are gender, race and sexual orientation issues explored. I mean, when was the last time you saw an Arab portrayed in a Hollywood movie other than as a terrorist? True, the Sheik is stereotyped beyond all belief, but at least he's there.

I'm going to have to write more about this later.

Anyway, Daniel busted in about half-way to say that "Lost" was on and he needed the TV. I turned off the DVD and changed the channel to ABC ... only to see Burt Reynolds acting on, yep, Freddie Prince Junior's show. How sad is that? Not that "Cannonball Run" was well done or anything, but at least there were some stars in it. Here he is grappling with Mr. Sarah Michelle Gellar and the dude from "Beverly Hills 90210" who wasn't Luke Perry or Jason Priestley. How the mighty have fallen. So Sad.

Guess what? My new boss quit. The new boss, who replaced the old boss who quit three months ago.

It's too bad, too. I liked this one. He wasn't completely on-the-ball, really, but at least he wasn't a moron.

Now I'm bossless. And our VP is out all next week. Huh.

Looks like next week will be even busier than this week. Probably sparse on updates, too. Sorry in advance!

04/14/06 - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! The Gnomes are back!

Crap. I thought this beast was dead. Crap.

04/14/06 - Anna's back on The OC!

I haven't watched in MONTHS, but this ... this I have to see ...

04/11/06 - Just Joshing.

It just hit me today. There are more "Joshes" around than ever. It's a little odd.

Granted, at the company I work at now I'm the only Josh. And this for a company with 6 Jennifers, 5 Sarahs, 1 Sara, 5 Matts, 4 Katies, 1 Kate, 4 Julies and 4 Amandas.

Actually for most of the six or so years I was at Walt Disney Feature Animation I was the only "Josh", too.

But not anymore. "Joshes" are everwhere. Today, at the Red Sox 95th home opener at Fenway Park, we have Josh Beckett pitching for Boston. And Josh Towers pitching for the Toronto Blue Jays.

It's a "Josh" head-to-head. Thank God Josh Bard isn't catcher, or there could be a whole host of "Threes Company"-style antics.

Elsewhere in the news Josh Bolten will be the new White House Chief of Staff at the end of the week. Sure, we had Josh Lyman on The West Wing, but he's just pretend.

Yep, it's official. "Joshes" are taking over the world. Finally.

04/11/06 - Funny "24" story from last night

So last night I watched "24" with four or five high school kids and my brother Daniel at his coffee shop. Some of them had never seen the glory that is "24", so we introduced them to Jack Bauer of the Counter Terrorist Unit, savior of the free world.

At one point, during a commercial break about two-thirds of the way into the episode, my brother's cell phone rang. It was way across the shop so as he ran to get it he was cursing whoever would call him during "24". I mean, I've seen him be short with his girlfriend during "24". Homeboy takes no prisoners. Anyway, he picks up the phone, reads the caller ID, and says, "It's an 818 area code?"

"Southern California. It must be Jack," I said, meaning Daniel's college roommate who then married our cousin Karen and lives in the San Fernando Valley in Southern California, home of the 818 area code.

All of the kids, however, thought I meant Jack Bauer of "24" was calling my brother, and busted out laughing.

"Yes, Jack Bauer from CTU who is currently stuck in a bank surrounded by terrorists and who is a fictional character is calling my brother at his coffee shop in Southern Maine."

That only made them laugh harder.

But you have to think about it – those guys at CTU sure do use their cell phones a lot. I mean, what kind of calling plan do they have? If they go over their minutes does the government have to reimburse them? And we wonder why we have a $8.4 Trillion National Debt!! It's all CTU's fault!

Thank goodness CTU was absorbed by the Department of Homeland Security. Any organization that can wrangle FEMA is good for me.

04/09/06 - Bush, In his own words

It's fun to play on the White House web site and find all of the official transcripts of George W. Bush lying to the American people.

No doubt there are many, many more occasions, I thought these were pretty good though.

04/08/06 - Holy shit George W. Bush is going to get us all killed!

I'll be the first to admit Bush is a smug, arrogant asshole, but this ... this is just fucking insane!

04/06/06 - Superboy Lawsuit

Huh. I hadn't even heard of this lawsuit.

More importantly, though, is who exactly owns the rights to the 1988 Superboy TV Show?

04/05/06 - The tragic death of the Suburban Legends' trombone player

So about five or six months ago I wrote about the death of the trombone player from Suburban Legends (one of my So Cal ska bands).

Now Los Angeles' NBC4 has this report:

04/05/06 - Springtime for Mainers

Maine in the spring is a crazy place.

This weekend I was raking the lawn and grilling in a tee shirt and shorts, it was in the 70s. This morning I wake up and there's a dusting of snow!

You have to love that.

04/04/06 - Fun Fact #3

Have you gotten this e-mail yet this week? Still, it's pretty cool:

I have to note that there's no way of knowing if in ten centuries the people of Earth will still be using the Gregorian calendar ... we might be back to the ol' Mayan Haab by then!

04/04/06 - Red Sox fun fact #2

Mark Loretta is the 12th Sox second baseman to start on Opening Day since 1994.

04/04/06 - Red Sox Fun fact

Six of the nine Red Sox players in yesterday's Opening Day lineup did not start on Opening Day 2005.

04/04/06 - Red Swingline

So this morning I was going to write about 24 ... and then I get to work and see a mail from one of my 3 managers that the VP wants me to move my desk. After two sets of "air quotes" I get this: Pls accomplish first thing Tuesday morning. Tks.

Wow, she saved seven whole letters there by not writing out "Please" and "Thanks". Economy, people, how you get to be senior manager. Gns. (That's "genius" in economy-speak).

Anyway, I figure I can move my desk in about an hour, hour and a half. She won't know. 'Cause to her that IS first thing in the morning.

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

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